Printable version of this page

The Merry Wives of Windsor: Act 1 Scene 4

Scene IV A room in DOCTOR CAIUS' house.

[Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY, SIMPLE, and RUGBY]

MISTRESS QUICKLY

What, John Rugby! I pray thee, go to the casement,

and see if you can see my master, Master Doctor

Caius, coming. If he do, i' faith, and find any

body in the house, here will be an old abusing of

God's patience and the king's English.

RUGBY

I'll go watch.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Go; and we'll have a posset for't soon at night, in

faith, at the latter end of a sea-coal fire.

[Exit RUGBY]

An honest, willing, kind fellow, as ever servant

shall come in house withal, and, I warrant you, no

tell-tale nor no breed-bate: his worst fault is,

that he is given to prayer; he is something peevish

that way: but nobody but has his fault; but let

that pass. Peter Simple, you say your name is?

SIMPLE

Ay, for fault of a better.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

And Master Slender's your master?

SIMPLE

Ay, forsooth.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Does he not wear a great round beard, like a

glover's paring-knife?

SIMPLE

No, forsooth: he hath but a little wee face, with a

little yellow beard, a Cain-coloured beard.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

A softly-sprighted man, is he not?

SIMPLE

Ay, forsooth: but he is as tall a man of his hands

as any is between this and his head; he hath fought

with a warrener.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

How say you? O, I should remember him: does he not

hold up his head, as it were, and strut in his gait?

SIMPLE

Yes, indeed, does he.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Well, heaven send Anne Page no worse fortune! Tell

Master Parson Evans I will do what I can for your

master: Anne is a good girl, and I wish--

[Re-enter RUGBY]

RUGBY

Out, alas! here comes my master.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

We shall all be shent. Run in here, good young man;

go into this closet: he will not stay long.

[Shuts SIMPLE in the closet]

What, John Rugby! John! what, John, I say!

Go, John, go inquire for my master; I doubt

he be not well, that he comes not home.

[Singing]

And down, down, adown-a, &c.

[Enter DOCTOR CAIUS]

DOCTOR CAIUS

Vat is you sing? I do not like des toys. Pray you,

go and vetch me in my closet un boitier vert, a box,

a green-a box: do intend vat I speak? a green-a box.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Ay, forsooth; I'll fetch it you.

[Aside]

I am glad he went not in himself: if he had found

the young man, he would have been horn-mad.

DOCTOR CAIUS

Fe, fe, fe, fe! ma foi, il fait fort chaud. Je

m'en vais a la cour--la grande affaire.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Is it this, sir?

DOCTOR CAIUS

Oui; mette le au mon pocket: depeche, quickly. Vere

is dat knave Rugby?

MISTRESS QUICKLY

What, John Rugby! John!

RUGBY

Here, sir!

DOCTOR CAIUS

You are John Rugby, and you are Jack Rugby. Come,

take-a your rapier, and come after my heel to the court.

RUGBY

'Tis ready, sir, here in the porch.

DOCTOR CAIUS

By my trot, I tarry too long. Od's me!

Qu'ai-j'oublie! dere is some simples in my closet,

dat I vill not for the varld I shall leave behind.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Ay me, he'll find the young man here, and be mad!

DOCTOR CAIUS

O diable, diable! vat is in my closet? Villain! larron!

[Pulling SIMPLE out]

Rugby, my rapier!

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Good master, be content.

DOCTOR CAIUS

Wherefore shall I be content-a?

MISTRESS QUICKLY

The young man is an honest man.

DOCTOR CAIUS

What shall de honest man do in my closet? dere is

no honest man dat shall come in my closet.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

I beseech you, be not so phlegmatic. Hear the truth

of it: he came of an errand to me from Parson Hugh.

DOCTOR CAIUS

Vell.

SIMPLE

Ay, forsooth; to desire her to--

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Peace, I pray you.

DOCTOR CAIUS

Peace-a your tongue. Speak-a your tale.

SIMPLE

To desire this honest gentlewoman, your maid, to

speak a good word to Mistress Anne Page for my

master in the way of marriage.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

This is all, indeed, la! but I'll ne'er put my

finger in the fire, and need not.

DOCTOR CAIUS

Sir Hugh send-a you? Rugby, baille me some paper.

Tarry you a little-a while.

[Writes]

MISTRESS QUICKLY

[Aside to SIMPLE] I am glad he is so quiet: if he

had been thoroughly moved, you should have heard him

so loud and so melancholy. But notwithstanding,

man, I'll do you your master what good I can: and

the very yea and the no is, the French doctor, my

master,--I may call him my master, look you, for I

keep his house; and I wash, wring, brew, bake,

scour, dress meat and drink, make the beds and do

all myself,--

SIMPLE

[Aside to MISTRESS QUICKLY] 'Tis a great charge to

come under one body's hand.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

[Aside to SIMPLE] Are you avised o' that? you

shall find it a great charge: and to be up early

and down late; but notwithstanding,--to tell you in

your ear; I would have no words of it,--my master

himself is in love with Mistress Anne Page: but

notwithstanding that, I know Anne's mind,--that's

neither here nor there.

DOCTOR CAIUS

You jack'nape, give-a this letter to Sir Hugh; by

gar, it is a shallenge: I will cut his troat in dee

park; and I will teach a scurvy jack-a-nape priest

to meddle or make. You may be gone; it is not good

you tarry here. By gar, I will cut all his two

stones; by gar, he shall not have a stone to throw

at his dog:

[Exit SIMPLE]

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Alas, he speaks but for his friend.

DOCTOR CAIUS

It is no matter-a ver dat: do not you tell-a me

dat I shall have Anne Page for myself? By gar, I

vill kill de Jack priest; and I have appointed mine

host of de Jarteer to measure our weapon. By gar, I

will myself have Anne Page.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Sir, the maid loves you, and all shall be well. We

must give folks leave to prate: what, the good-jer!

DOCTOR CAIUS

Rugby, come to the court with me. By gar, if I have

not Anne Page, I shall turn your head out of my

door. Follow my heels, Rugby.

[Exeunt DOCTOR CAIUS and RUGBY]

MISTRESS QUICKLY

You shall have An fool's-head of your own. No, I

know Anne's mind for that: never a woman in Windsor

knows more of Anne's mind than I do; nor can do more

than I do with her, I thank heaven.

FENTON

[Within] Who's within there? ho!

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Who's there, I trow! Come near the house, I pray you.

[Enter FENTON]

FENTON

How now, good woman? how dost thou?

MISTRESS QUICKLY

The better that it pleases your good worship to ask.

FENTON

What news? how does pretty Mistress Anne?

MISTRESS QUICKLY

In truth, sir, and she is pretty, and honest, and

gentle; and one that is your friend, I can tell you

that by the way; I praise heaven for it.

FENTON

Shall I do any good, thinkest thou? shall I not lose my suit?

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Troth, sir, all is in his hands above: but

notwithstanding, Master Fenton, I'll be sworn on a

book, she loves you. Have not your worship a wart

above your eye?

FENTON

Yes, marry, have I; what of that?

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Well, thereby hangs a tale: good faith, it is such

another Nan; but, I detest, an honest maid as ever

broke bread: we had an hour's talk of that wart. I

shall never laugh but in that maid's company! But

indeed she is given too much to allicholy and

musing: but for you--well, go to.

FENTON

Well, I shall see her to-day. Hold, there's money

for thee; let me have thy voice in my behalf: if

thou seest her before me, commend me.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Will I? i'faith, that we will; and I will tell your

worship more of the wart the next time we have

confidence; and of other wooers.

FENTON

Well, farewell; I am in great haste now.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Farewell to your worship.

[Exit FENTON]

Truly, an honest gentleman: but Anne loves him not;

for I know Anne's mind as well as another does. Out

upon't! what have I forgot?

[Exit]