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Dramatis Personae
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/ Home / Library / Complete Shakespeare / The Merry Wives of Windsor / Act III Scene III
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The Merry Wives of Windsor: Act 3 Scene 3
Scene III A room in FORD'S house.
- [Enter MISTRESS FORD and MISTRESS PAGE]
- MISTRESS FORD
- What, John! What, Robert!
- MISTRESS PAGE
- Quickly, quickly! is the buck-basket--
- MISTRESS FORD
- I warrant. What, Robin, I say!
- [Enter Servants with a basket]
- MISTRESS PAGE
- Come, come, come.
- MISTRESS FORD
- Here, set it down.
- MISTRESS PAGE
- Give your men the charge; we must be brief.
- MISTRESS FORD
- Marry, as I told you before, John and Robert, be
- ready here hard by in the brew-house: and when I
- suddenly call you, come forth, and without any pause
- or staggering take this basket on your shoulders:
- that done, trudge with it in all haste, and carry
- it among the whitsters in Datchet-mead, and there
- empty it in the muddy ditch close by the Thames side.
- MISTRESS PAGE
- You will do it?
- MISTRESS FORD
- I ha' told them over and over; they lack no
- direction. Be gone, and come when you are called.
- [Exeunt Servants]
- MISTRESS PAGE
- Here comes little Robin.
- [Enter ROBIN]
- MISTRESS FORD
- How now, my eyas-musket! what news with you?
- ROBIN
- My master, Sir John, is come in at your back-door,
- Mistress Ford, and requests your company.
- MISTRESS PAGE
- You little Jack-a-Lent, have you been true to us?
- ROBIN
- Ay, I'll be sworn. My master knows not of your
- being here and hath threatened to put me into
- everlasting liberty if I tell you of it; for he
- swears he'll turn me away.
- MISTRESS PAGE
- Thou'rt a good boy: this secrecy of thine shall be
- a tailor to thee and shall make thee a new doublet
- and hose. I'll go hide me.
- MISTRESS FORD
- Do so. Go tell thy master I am alone.
- [Exit ROBIN]
- Mistress Page, remember you your cue.
- MISTRESS PAGE
- I warrant thee; if I do not act it, hiss me.
- [Exit]
- MISTRESS FORD
- Go to, then: we'll use this unwholesome humidity,
- this gross watery pumpion; we'll teach him to know
- turtles from jays.
- [Enter FALSTAFF]
- FALSTAFF
- Have I caught thee, my heavenly jewel? Why, now let
- me die, for I have lived long enough: this is the
- period of my ambition: O this blessed hour!
- MISTRESS FORD
- O sweet Sir John!
- FALSTAFF
- Mistress Ford, I cannot cog, I cannot prate,
- Mistress Ford. Now shall I sin in my wish: I would
- thy husband were dead: I'll speak it before the
- best lord; I would make thee my lady.
- MISTRESS FORD
- I your lady, Sir John! alas, I should be a pitiful lady!
- FALSTAFF
- Let the court of France show me such another. I see
- how thine eye would emulate the diamond: thou hast
- the right arched beauty of the brow that becomes the
- ship-tire, the tire-valiant, or any tire of
- Venetian admittance.
- MISTRESS FORD
- A plain kerchief, Sir John: my brows become nothing
- else; nor that well neither.
- FALSTAFF
- By the Lord, thou art a traitor to say so: thou
- wouldst make an absolute courtier; and the firm
- fixture of thy foot would give an excellent motion
- to thy gait in a semi-circled farthingale. I see
- what thou wert, if Fortune thy foe were not, Nature
- thy friend. Come, thou canst not hide it.
- MISTRESS FORD
- Believe me, there is no such thing in me.
- FALSTAFF
- What made me love thee? let that persuade thee
- there's something extraordinary in thee. Come, I
- cannot cog and say thou art this and that, like a
- many of these lisping hawthorn-buds, that come like
- women in men's apparel, and smell like Bucklersbury
- in simple time; I cannot: but I love thee; none
- but thee; and thou deservest it.
- MISTRESS FORD
- Do not betray me, sir. I fear you love Mistress Page.
- FALSTAFF
- Thou mightst as well say I love to walk by the
- Counter-gate, which is as hateful to me as the reek
- of a lime-kiln.
- MISTRESS FORD
- Well, heaven knows how I love you; and you shall one
- day find it.
- FALSTAFF
- Keep in that mind; I'll deserve it.
- MISTRESS FORD
- Nay, I must tell you, so you do; or else I could not
- be in that mind.
- ROBIN
- [Within] Mistress Ford, Mistress Ford! here's
- Mistress Page at the door, sweating and blowing and
- looking wildly, and would needs speak with you presently.
- FALSTAFF
- She shall not see me: I will ensconce me behind the arras.
- MISTRESS FORD
- Pray you, do so: she's a very tattling woman.
- [FALSTAFF hides himself]
- [Re-enter MISTRESS PAGE and ROBIN]
- What's the matter? how now!
- MISTRESS PAGE
- O Mistress Ford, what have you done? You're shamed,
- you're overthrown, you're undone for ever!
- MISTRESS FORD
- What's the matter, good Mistress Page?
- MISTRESS PAGE
- O well-a-day, Mistress Ford! having an honest man
- to your husband, to give him such cause of suspicion!
- MISTRESS FORD
- What cause of suspicion?
- MISTRESS PAGE
- What cause of suspicion! Out pon you! how am I
- mistook in you!
- MISTRESS FORD
- Why, alas, what's the matter?
- MISTRESS PAGE
- Your husband's coming hither, woman, with all the
- officers in Windsor, to search for a gentleman that
- he says is here now in the house by your consent, to
- take an ill advantage of his assence: you are undone.
- MISTRESS FORD
- 'Tis not so, I hope.
- MISTRESS PAGE
- Pray heaven it be not so, that you have such a man
- here! but 'tis most certain your husband's coming,
- with half Windsor at his heels, to search for such a
- one. I come before to tell you. If you know
- yourself clear, why, I am glad of it; but if you
- have a friend here convey, convey him out. Be not
- amazed; call all your senses to you; defend your
- reputation, or bid farewell to your good life for ever.
- MISTRESS FORD
- What shall I do? There is a gentleman my dear
- friend; and I fear not mine own shame so much as his
- peril: I had rather than a thousand pound he were
- out of the house.
- MISTRESS PAGE
- For shame! never stand 'you had rather' and 'you
- had rather:' your husband's here at hand, bethink
- you of some conveyance: in the house you cannot
- hide him. O, how have you deceived me! Look, here
- is a basket: if he be of any reasonable stature, he
- may creep in here; and throw foul linen upon him, as
- if it were going to bucking: or--it is whiting-time
- --send him by your two men to Datchet-mead.
- MISTRESS FORD
- He's too big to go in there. What shall I do?
- FALSTAFF
- [Coming forward] Let me see't, let me see't, O, let
- me see't! I'll in, I'll in. Follow your friend's
- counsel. I'll in.
- MISTRESS PAGE
- What, Sir John Falstaff! Are these your letters, knight?
- FALSTAFF
- I love thee. Help me away. Let me creep in here.
- I'll never--
- [Gets into the basket; they cover him with foul linen]
- MISTRESS PAGE
- Help to cover your master, boy. Call your men,
- Mistress Ford. You dissembling knight!
- MISTRESS FORD
- What, John! Robert! John!
- [Exit ROBIN]
- [Re-enter Servants]
- Go take up these clothes here quickly. Where's the
- cowl-staff? look, how you drumble! Carry them to
- the laundress in Datchet-meat; quickly, come.
- [Enter FORD, PAGE, DOCTOR CAIUS, and SIR HUGH EVANS]
- FORD
- Pray you, come near: if I suspect without cause,
- why then make sport at me; then let me be your jest;
- I deserve it. How now! whither bear you this?
- SERVANT
- To the laundress, forsooth.
- MISTRESS FORD
- Why, what have you to do whither they bear it? You
- were best meddle with buck-washing.
- FORD
- Buck! I would I could wash myself of the buck!
- Buck, buck, buck! Ay, buck; I warrant you, buck;
- and of the season too, it shall appear.
- [Exeunt Servants with the basket]
- Gentlemen, I have dreamed to-night; I'll tell you my
- dream. Here, here, here be my keys: ascend my
- chambers; search, seek, find out: I'll warrant
- we'll unkennel the fox. Let me stop this way first.
- [Locking the door]
- So, now uncape.
- PAGE
- Good Master Ford, be contented: you wrong yourself too much.
- FORD
- True, Master Page. Up, gentlemen: you shall see
- sport anon: follow me, gentlemen.
- [Exit]
- SIR HUGH EVANS
- This is fery fantastical humours and jealousies.
- DOCTOR CAIUS
- By gar, 'tis no the fashion of France; it is not
- jealous in France.
- PAGE
- Nay, follow him, gentlemen; see the issue of his search.
- [Exeunt PAGE, DOCTOR CAIUS, and SIR HUGH EVANS]
- MISTRESS PAGE
- Is there not a double excellency in this?
- MISTRESS FORD
- I know not which pleases me better, that my husband
- is deceived, or Sir John.
- MISTRESS PAGE
- What a taking was he in when your husband asked who
- was in the basket!
- MISTRESS FORD
- I am half afraid he will have need of washing; so
- throwing him into the water will do him a benefit.
- MISTRESS PAGE
- Hang him, dishonest rascal! I would all of the same
- strain were in the same distress.
- MISTRESS FORD
- I think my husband hath some special suspicion of
- Falstaff's being here; for I never saw him so gross
- in his jealousy till now.
- MISTRESS PAGE
- I will lay a plot to try that; and we will yet have
- more tricks with Falstaff: his dissolute disease will
- scarce obey this medicine.
- MISTRESS FORD
- Shall we send that foolish carrion, Mistress
- Quickly, to him, and excuse his throwing into the
- water; and give him another hope, to betray him to
- another punishment?
- MISTRESS PAGE
- We will do it: let him be sent for to-morrow,
- eight o'clock, to have amends.
- [Re-enter FORD, PAGE, DOCTOR CAIUS, and
- SIR HUGH EVANS]
- FORD
- I cannot find him: may be the knave bragged of that
- he could not compass.
- MISTRESS PAGE
- [Aside to MISTRESS FORD] Heard you that?
- MISTRESS FORD
- You use me well, Master Ford, do you?
- FORD
- Ay, I do so.
- MISTRESS FORD
- Heaven make you better than your thoughts!
- FORD
- Amen!
- MISTRESS PAGE
- You do yourself mighty wrong, Master Ford.
- FORD
- Ay, ay; I must bear it.
- SIR HUGH EVANS
- If there be any pody in the house, and in the
- chambers, and in the coffers, and in the presses,
- heaven forgive my sins at the day of judgment!
- DOCTOR CAIUS
- By gar, nor I too: there is no bodies.
- PAGE
- Fie, fie, Master Ford! are you not ashamed? What
- spirit, what devil suggests this imagination? I
- would not ha' your distemper in this kind for the
- wealth of Windsor Castle.
- FORD
- 'Tis my fault, Master Page: I suffer for it.
- SIR HUGH EVANS
- You suffer for a pad conscience: your wife is as
- honest a 'omans as I will desires among five
- thousand, and five hundred too.
- DOCTOR CAIUS
- By gar, I see 'tis an honest woman.
- FORD
- Well, I promised you a dinner. Come, come, walk in
- the Park: I pray you, pardon me; I will hereafter
- make known to you why I have done this. Come,
- wife; come, Mistress Page. I pray you, pardon me;
- pray heartily, pardon me.
- PAGE
- Let's go in, gentlemen; but, trust me, we'll mock
- him. I do invite you to-morrow morning to my house
- to breakfast: after, we'll a-birding together; I
- have a fine hawk for the bush. Shall it be so?
- FORD
- Any thing.
- SIR HUGH EVANS
- If there is one, I shall make two in the company.
- DOCTOR CAIUS
- If dere be one or two, I shall make-a the turd.
- FORD
- Pray you, go, Master Page.
- SIR HUGH EVANS
- I pray you now, remembrance tomorrow on the lousy
- knave, mine host.
- DOCTOR CAIUS
- Dat is good; by gar, with all my heart!
- SIR HUGH EVANS
- A lousy knave, to have his gibes and his mockeries!
- [Exeunt]
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