The Merry Wives of Windsor: E-World Library

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The Merry Wives of Windsor: Act 3 Scene 1

Scene I A field near Frogmore.

[Enter SIR HUGH EVANS and SIMPLE]
SIR HUGH EVANS: I pray you now, good master Slender's serving-man,; and friend Simple by your name, which way have you; looked for Master Caius, that calls himself doctor of physic?
SIMPLE: Marry, sir, the pittie-ward, the park-ward, every; way; old Windsor way, and every way but the town; way.
SIR HUGH EVANS: I most fehemently desire you you will also look that; way.
SIMPLE: I will, sir.; [Exit]
SIR HUGH EVANS: 'Pless my soul, how full of chollors I am, and; trempling of mind! I shall be glad if he have; deceived me. How melancholies I am! I will knog; his urinals about his knave's costard when I have; good opportunities for the ork. 'Pless my soul!; [Sings]; To shallow rivers, to whose falls; Melodious birds sings madrigals;; There will we make our peds of roses,; And a thousand fragrant posies.; To shallow--; Mercy on me! I have a great dispositions to cry.; [Sings]; Melodious birds sing madrigals--; When as I sat in Pabylon--; And a thousand vagram posies.; To shallow &c.; [Re-enter SIMPLE]
SIMPLE: Yonder he is coming, this way, Sir Hugh.
SIR HUGH EVANS: He's welcome.; [Sings]; To shallow rivers, to whose falls-; Heaven prosper the right! What weapons is he?
SIMPLE: No weapons, sir. There comes my master, Master; Shallow, and another gentleman, from Frogmore, over; the stile, this way.
SIR HUGH EVANS: Pray you, give me my gown; or else keep it in your arms.; [Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER]
SHALLOW: How now, master Parson! Good morrow, good Sir Hugh.; Keep a gamester from the dice, and a good student; from his book, and it is wonderful.
SLENDER: [Aside] Ah, sweet Anne Page!
PAGE: 'Save you, good Sir Hugh!
SIR HUGH EVANS: 'Pless you from his mercy sake, all of you!
SHALLOW: What, the sword and the word! do you study them; both, master parson?
PAGE: And youthful still! in your doublet and hose this; raw rheumatic day!
SIR HUGH EVANS: There is reasons and causes for it.
PAGE: We are come to you to do a good office, master parson.
SIR HUGH EVANS: Fery well: what is it?
PAGE: Yonder is a most reverend gentleman, who, belike; having received wrong by some person, is at most; odds with his own gravity and patience that ever you; saw.
SHALLOW: I have lived fourscore years and upward; I never; heard a man of his place, gravity and learning, so; wide of his own respect.
SIR HUGH EVANS: What is he?
PAGE: I think you know him; Master Doctor Caius, the; renowned French physician.
SIR HUGH EVANS: Got's will, and his passion of my heart! I had as; lief you would tell me of a mess of porridge.
PAGE: Why?
SIR HUGH EVANS: He has no more knowledge in Hibocrates and Galen,; --and he is a knave besides; a cowardly knave as you; would desires to be acquainted withal.
PAGE: I warrant you, he's the man should fight with him.
SHALLOW: [Aside] O sweet Anne Page!
SHALLOW: It appears so by his weapons. Keep them asunder:; here comes Doctor Caius.; [Enter Host, DOCTOR CAIUS, and RUGBY]
PAGE: Nay, good master parson, keep in your weapon.
SHALLOW: So do you, good master doctor.
HOST: Disarm them, and let them question: let them keep; their limbs whole and hack our English.
DOCTOR CAIUS: I pray you, let-a me speak a word with your ear.; Vherefore vill you not meet-a me?
SIR HUGH EVANS: [Aside to DOCTOR CAIUS] Pray you, use your patience:; in good time.
DOCTOR CAIUS: By gar, you are de coward, de Jack dog, John ape.
SIR HUGH EVANS: [Aside to DOCTOR CAIUS] Pray you let us not be; laughing-stocks to other men's humours; I desire you; in friendship, and I will one way or other make you amends.; [Aloud]; I will knog your urinals about your knave's cockscomb; for missing your meetings and appointments.
DOCTOR CAIUS: Diable! Jack Rugby,--mine host de Jarteer,--have I; not stay for him to kill him? have I not, at de place; I did appoint?
SIR HUGH EVANS: As I am a Christians soul now, look you, this is the; place appointed: I'll be judgement by mine host of; the Garter.
HOST: Peace, I say, Gallia and Gaul, French and Welsh,; soul-curer and body-curer!
DOCTOR CAIUS: Ay, dat is very good; excellent.
HOST: Peace, I say! hear mine host of the Garter. Am I; politic? am I subtle? am I a Machiavel? Shall I; lose my doctor? no; he gives me the potions and the; motions. Shall I lose my parson, my priest, my Sir; Hugh? no; he gives me the proverbs and the; no-verbs. Give me thy hand, terrestrial; so. Give me; thy hand, celestial; so. Boys of art, I have; deceived you both; I have directed you to wrong; places: your hearts are mighty, your skins are; whole, and let burnt sack be the issue. Come, lay; their swords to pawn. Follow me, lads of peace;; follow, follow, follow.
SHALLOW: Trust me, a mad host. Follow, gentlemen, follow.
SLENDER: [Aside] O sweet Anne Page!; [Exeunt SHALLOW, SLENDER, PAGE, and Host]
DOCTOR CAIUS: Ha, do I perceive dat? have you make-a de sot of; us, ha, ha?
SIR HUGH EVANS: This is well; he has made us his vlouting-stog. I; desire you that we may be friends; and let us knog; our prains together to be revenge on this same; scall, scurvy cogging companion, the host of the Garter.
DOCTOR CAIUS: By gar, with all my heart. He promise to bring me; where is Anne Page; by gar, he deceive me too.
SIR HUGH EVANS: Well, I will smite his noddles. Pray you, follow.; [Exeunt]

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