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Love's Labour's Lost: Act 1 Scene 2

Scene II The same.

[Enter DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO and MOTH]

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO

Boy, what sign is it when a man of great spirit

grows melancholy?

MOTH

A great sign, sir, that he will look sad.

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO

Why, sadness is one and the self-same thing, dear imp.

MOTH

No, no; O Lord, sir, no.

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO

How canst thou part sadness and melancholy, my

tender juvenal?

MOTH

By a familiar demonstration of the working, my tough senior.

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO

Why tough senior? why tough senior?

MOTH

Why tender juvenal? why tender juvenal?

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO

I spoke it, tender juvenal, as a congruent epitheton

appertaining to thy young days, which we may

nominate tender.

MOTH

And I, tough senior, as an appertinent title to your

old time, which we may name tough.

DON ADRIANO DE

ARMADO

Pretty and apt.

MOTH

How mean you, sir? I pretty, and my saying apt? or

I apt, and my saying pretty?

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO

Thou pretty, because little.

MOTH

Little pretty, because little. Wherefore apt?

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO

And therefore apt, because quick.

MOTH

Speak you this in my praise, master?

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO

In thy condign praise.

MOTH

I will praise an eel with the same praise.

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO

What, that an eel is ingenious?

MOTH

That an eel is quick.

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO

I do say thou art quick in answers: thou heatest my blood.

MOTH

I am answered, sir.

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO

I love not to be crossed.

MOTH

[Aside] He speaks the mere contrary; crosses love not him.

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO

I have promised to study three years with the duke.

MOTH

You may do it in an hour, sir.

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO

Impossible.

MOTH

How many is one thrice told?

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO

I am ill at reckoning; it fitteth the spirit of a tapster.

MOTH

You are a gentleman and a gamester, sir.

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO

I confess both: they are both the varnish of a

complete man.

MOTH

Then, I am sure, you know how much the gross sum of

deuce-ace amounts to.

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO

It doth amount to one more than two.

MOTH

Which the base vulgar do call three.

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO

True.

MOTH

Why, sir, is this such a piece of study? Now here

is three studied, ere ye'll thrice wink: and how

easy it is to put 'years' to the word 'three,' and

study three years in two words, the dancing horse

will tell you.

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO

A most fine figure!

MOTH

To prove you a cipher.

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO

I will hereupon confess I am in love: and as it is

base for a soldier to love, so am I in love with a

base wench. If drawing my sword against the humour

of affection would deliver me from the reprobate

thought of it, I would take Desire prisoner, and

ransom him to any French courtier for a new-devised

courtesy. I think scorn to sigh: methinks I should

outswear Cupid. Comfort, me, boy: what great men

have been in love?

MOTH

Hercules, master.

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO

Most sweet Hercules! More authority, dear boy, name

more; and, sweet my child, let them be men of good

repute and carriage.

MOTH

Samson, master: he was a man of good carriage, great

carriage, for he carried the town-gates on his back

like a porter: and he was in love.

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO

O well-knit Samson! strong-jointed Samson! I do

excel thee in my rapier as much as thou didst me in

carrying gates. I am in love too. Who was Samson's

love, my dear Moth?

MOTH

A woman, master.

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO

Of what complexion?

MOTH

Of all the four, or the three, or the two, or one of the four.

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO

Tell me precisely of what complexion.

MOTH

Of the sea-water green, sir.

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO

Is that one of the four complexions?

MOTH

As I have read, sir; and the best of them too.

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO

Green indeed is the colour of lovers; but to have a

love of that colour, methinks Samson had small reason

for it. He surely affected her for her wit.

MOTH

DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO

It was so, sir; for she had a green wit.

My love is most immaculate white and red.

MOTH

Most maculate thoughts, master, are masked under

such colours.

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO

Define, define, well-educated infant.

MOTH

My father's wit and my mother's tongue, assist me!

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO

Sweet invocation of a child; most pretty and

pathetical!

MOTH

If she be made of white and red,

Her faults will ne'er be known,

For blushing cheeks by faults are bred

And fears by pale white shown:

Then if she fear, or be to blame,

By this you shall not know,

For still her cheeks possess the same

Which native she doth owe.

A dangerous rhyme, master, against the reason of

white and red.

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO

Is there not a ballad, boy, of the King and the Beggar?

MOTH

The world was very guilty of such a ballad some

three ages since: but I think now 'tis not to be

found; or, if it were, it would neither serve for

the writing nor the tune.

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO

I will have that subject newly writ o'er, that I may

example my digression by some mighty precedent.

Boy, I do love that country girl that I took in the

park with the rational hind Costard: she deserves well.

MOTH

[Aside] To be whipped; and yet a better love than

my master.

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO

Sing, boy; my spirit grows heavy in love.

MOTH

And that's great marvel, loving a light wench.

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO

I say, sing.

MOTH

Forbear till this company be past.

[Enter DULL, COSTARD, and JAQUENETTA]

DULL

Sir, the duke's pleasure is, that you keep Costard

safe: and you must suffer him to take no delight

nor no penance; but a' must fast three days a week.

For this damsel, I must keep her at the park: she

is allowed for the day-woman. Fare you well.

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO

I do betray myself with blushing. Maid!

JAQUENETTA

Man?

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO

I will visit thee at the lodge.

JAQUENETTA

That's hereby.

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO

I know where it is situate.

JAQUENETTA

Lord, how wise you are!

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO

I will tell thee wonders.

JAQUENETTA

With that face?

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO

I love thee.

JAQUENETTA

So I heard you say.

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO

And so, farewell.

JAQUENETTA

Fair weather after you!

DULL

Come, Jaquenetta, away!

[Exeunt DULL and JAQUENETTA]

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO

Villain, thou shalt fast for thy offences ere thou

be pardoned.

COSTARD

Well, sir, I hope, when I do it, I shall do it on a

full stomach.

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO

Thou shalt be heavily punished.

COSTARD

I am more bound to you than your fellows, for they

are but lightly rewarded.

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO

Take away this villain; shut him up.

MOTH

Come, you transgressing slave; away!

COSTARD

Let me not be pent up, sir: I will fast, being loose.

MOTH

No, sir; that were fast and loose: thou shalt to prison.

COSTARD

Well, if ever I do see the merry days of desolation

that I have seen, some shall see.

MOTH

What shall some see?

COSTARD

Nay, nothing, Master Moth, but what they look upon.

It is not for prisoners to be too silent in their

words; and therefore I will say nothing: I thank

God I have as little patience as another man; and

therefore I can be quiet.

[Exeunt MOTH and COSTARD]

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO

I do affect the very ground, which is base, where

her shoe, which is baser, guided by her foot, which

is basest, doth tread. I shall be forsworn, which

is a great argument of falsehood, if I love. And

how can that be true love which is falsely

attempted? Love is a familiar; Love is a devil:

there is no evil angel but Love. Yet was Samson so

tempted, and he had an excellent strength; yet was

Solomon so seduced, and he had a very good wit.

Cupid's butt-shaft is too hard for Hercules' club;

and therefore too much odds for a Spaniard's rapier.

The first and second cause will not serve my turn;

the passado he respects not, the duello he regards

not: his disgrace is to be called boy; but his

glory is to subdue men. Adieu, valour! rust rapier!

be still, drum! for your manager is in love; yea,

he loveth. Assist me, some extemporal god of rhyme,

for I am sure I shall turn sonnet. Devise, wit;

write, pen; for I am for whole volumes in folio.

[Exit]