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King Henry IV Part 1: Act 1 Scene 2

Scene II London. An apartment of the Prince's.

[Enter the PRINCE OF WALES and FALSTAFF]

FALSTAFF

Now, Hal, what time of day is it, lad?

PRINCE HENRY

Thou art so fat-witted, with drinking of old sack

and unbuttoning thee after supper and sleeping upon

benches after noon, that thou hast forgotten to

demand that truly which thou wouldst truly know.

What a devil hast thou to do with the time of the

day? Unless hours were cups of sack and minutes

capons and clocks the tongues of bawds and dials the

signs of leaping-houses and the blessed sun himself

a fair hot wench in flame-coloured taffeta, I see no

reason why thou shouldst be so superfluous to demand

the time of the day.

FALSTAFF

Indeed, you come near me now, Hal; for we that take

purses go by the moon and the seven stars, and not

by Phoebus, he,'that wandering knight so fair.' And,

I prithee, sweet wag, when thou art king, as, God

save thy grace,--majesty I should say, for grace

thou wilt have none,--

PRINCE HENRY

What, none?

FALSTAFF

No, by my troth, not so much as will serve to

prologue to an egg and butter.

PRINCE HENRY

Well, how then? come, roundly, roundly.

FALSTAFF

Marry, then, sweet wag, when thou art king, let not

us that are squires of the night's body be called

thieves of the day's beauty: let us be Diana's

foresters, gentlemen of the shade, minions of the

moon; and let men say we be men of good government,

being governed, as the sea is, by our noble and

chaste mistress the moon, under whose countenance we steal.

PRINCE HENRY

Thou sayest well, and it holds well too; for the

fortune of us that are the moon's men doth ebb and

flow like the sea, being governed, as the sea is,

by the moon. As, for proof, now: a purse of gold

most resolutely snatched on Monday night and most

dissolutely spent on Tuesday morning; got with

swearing 'Lay by' and spent with crying 'Bring in;'

now in as low an ebb as the foot of the ladder

and by and by in as high a flow as the ridge of the gallows.

FALSTAFF

By the Lord, thou sayest true, lad. And is not my

hostess of the tavern a most sweet wench?

PRINCE HENRY

As the honey of Hybla, my old lad of the castle. And

is not a buff jerkin a most sweet robe of durance?

FALSTAFF

How now, how now, mad wag! what, in thy quips and

thy quiddities? what a plague have I to do with a

buff jerkin?

PRINCE HENRY

Why, what a pox have I to do with my hostess of the tavern?

FALSTAFF

Well, thou hast called her to a reckoning many a

time and oft.

PRINCE HENRY

Did I ever call for thee to pay thy part?

FALSTAFF

No; I'll give thee thy due, thou hast paid all there.

PRINCE HENRY

Yea, and elsewhere, so far as my coin would stretch;

and where it would not, I have used my credit.

FALSTAFF

Yea, and so used it that were it not here apparent

that thou art heir apparent--But, I prithee, sweet

wag, shall there be gallows standing in England when

thou art king? and resolution thus fobbed as it is

with the rusty curb of old father antic the law? Do

not thou, when thou art king, hang a thief.

PRINCE HENRY

No; thou shalt.

FALSTAFF

Shall I? O rare! By the Lord, I'll be a brave judge.

PRINCE HENRY

Thou judgest false already: I mean, thou shalt have

the hanging of the thieves and so become a rare hangman.

FALSTAFF

Well, Hal, well; and in some sort it jumps with my

humour as well as waiting in the court, I can tell

you.

PRINCE HENRY

For obtaining of suits?

FALSTAFF

Yea, for obtaining of suits, whereof the hangman

hath no lean wardrobe. 'Sblood, I am as melancholy

as a gib cat or a lugged bear.

PRINCE HENRY

Or an old lion, or a lover's lute.

FALSTAFF

Yea, or the drone of a Lincolnshire bagpipe.

PRINCE HENRY

What sayest thou to a hare, or the melancholy of

Moor-ditch?

FALSTAFF

Thou hast the most unsavoury similes and art indeed

the most comparative, rascalliest, sweet young

prince. But, Hal, I prithee, trouble me no more

with vanity. I would to God thou and I knew where a

commodity of good names were to be bought. An old

lord of the council rated me the other day in the

street about you, sir, but I marked him not; and yet

he talked very wisely, but I regarded him not; and

yet he talked wisely, and in the street too.

PRINCE HENRY

Thou didst well; for wisdom cries out in the

streets, and no man regards it.

FALSTAFF

O, thou hast damnable iteration and art indeed able

to corrupt a saint. Thou hast done much harm upon

me, Hal; God forgive thee for it! Before I knew

thee, Hal, I knew nothing; and now am I, if a man

should speak truly, little better than one of the

wicked. I must give over this life, and I will give

it over: by the Lord, and I do not, I am a villain:

I'll be damned for never a king's son in

Christendom.

PRINCE HENRY

Where shall we take a purse tomorrow, Jack?

FALSTAFF

'Zounds, where thou wilt, lad; I'll make one; an I

do not, call me villain and baffle me.

PRINCE HENRY

I see a good amendment of life in thee; from praying

to purse-taking.

FALSTAFF

Why, Hal, 'tis my vocation, Hal; 'tis no sin for a

man to labour in his vocation.

[Enter POINS]

Poins! Now shall we know if Gadshill have set a

match. O, if men were to be saved by merit, what

hole in hell were hot enough for him? This is the

most omnipotent villain that ever cried 'Stand' to

a true man.

PRINCE HENRY

Good morrow, Ned.

POINS

Good morrow, sweet Hal. What says Monsieur Remorse?

what says Sir John Sack and Sugar? Jack! how

agrees the devil and thee about thy soul, that thou

soldest him on Good-Friday last for a cup of Madeira

and a cold capon's leg?

PRINCE HENRY

Sir John stands to his word, the devil shall have

his bargain; for he was never yet a breaker of

proverbs: he will give the devil his due.

POINS

Then art thou damned for keeping thy word with the devil.

PRINCE HENRY

Else he had been damned for cozening the devil.

POINS

But, my lads, my lads, to-morrow morning, by four

o'clock, early at Gadshill! there are pilgrims going

to Canterbury with rich offerings, and traders

riding to London with fat purses: I have vizards

for you all; you have horses for yourselves:

Gadshill lies to-night in Rochester: I have bespoke

supper to-morrow night in Eastcheap: we may do it

as secure as sleep. If you will go, I will stuff

your purses full of crowns; if you will not, tarry

at home and be hanged.

FALSTAFF

Hear ye, Yedward; if I tarry at home and go not,

I'll hang you for going.

POINS

You will, chops?

FALSTAFF

Hal, wilt thou make one?

PRINCE HENRY

Who, I rob? I a thief? not I, by my faith.

FALSTAFF

There's neither honesty, manhood, nor good

fellowship in thee, nor thou camest not of the blood

royal, if thou darest not stand for ten shillings.

PRINCE HENRY

Well then, once in my days I'll be a madcap.

FALSTAFF

Why, that's well said.

PRINCE HENRY

Well, come what will, I'll tarry at home.

FALSTAFF

By the Lord, I'll be a traitor then, when thou art king.

PRINCE HENRY

I care not.

POINS

Sir John, I prithee, leave the prince and me alone:

I will lay him down such reasons for this adventure

that he shall go.

FALSTAFF

Well, God give thee the spirit of persuasion and him

the ears of profiting, that what thou speakest may

move and what he hears may be believed, that the

true prince may, for recreation sake, prove a false

thief; for the poor abuses of the time want

countenance. Farewell: you shall find me in Eastcheap.

PRINCE HENRY

Farewell, thou latter spring! farewell, All-hallown summer!

[Exit Falstaff]

POINS

Now, my good sweet honey lord, ride with us

to-morrow: I have a jest to execute that I cannot

manage alone. Falstaff, Bardolph, Peto and Gadshill

shall rob those men that we have already waylaid:

yourself and I will not be there; and when they

have the booty, if you and I do not rob them, cut

this head off from my shoulders.

PRINCE HENRY

How shall we part with them in setting forth?

POINS

Why, we will set forth before or after them, and

appoint them a place of meeting, wherein it is at

our pleasure to fail, and then will they adventure

upon the exploit themselves; which they shall have

no sooner achieved, but we'll set upon them.

PRINCE HENRY

Yea, but 'tis like that they will know us by our

horses, by our habits and by every other

appointment, to be ourselves.

POINS

Tut! our horses they shall not see: I'll tie them

in the wood; our vizards we will change after we

leave them: and, sirrah, I have cases of buckram

for the nonce, to immask our noted outward garments.

PRINCE HENRY

Yea, but I doubt they will be too hard for us.

POINS

Well, for two of them, I know them to be as

true-bred cowards as ever turned back; and for the

third, if he fight longer than he sees reason, I'll

forswear arms. The virtue of this jest will be, the

incomprehensible lies that this same fat rogue will

tell us when we meet at supper: how thirty, at

least, he fought with; what wards, what blows, what

extremities he endured; and in the reproof of this

lies the jest.

PRINCE HENRY

Well, I'll go with thee: provide us all things

necessary and meet me to-morrow night in Eastcheap;

there I'll sup. Farewell.

POINS

Farewell, my lord.

[Exit Poins]

PRINCE HENRY

I know you all, and will awhile uphold

The unyoked humour of your idleness:

Yet herein will I imitate the sun,

Who doth permit the base contagious clouds

To smother up his beauty from the world,

That, when he please again to be himself,

Being wanted, he may be more wonder'd at,

By breaking through the foul and ugly mists

Of vapours that did seem to strangle him.

If all the year were playing holidays,

To sport would be as tedious as to work;

But when they seldom come, they wish'd for come,

And nothing pleaseth but rare accidents.

So, when this loose behavior I throw off

And pay the debt I never promised,

By how much better than my word I am,

By so much shall I falsify men's hopes;

And like bright metal on a sullen ground,

My reformation, glittering o'er my fault,

Shall show more goodly and attract more eyes

Than that which hath no foil to set it off.

I'll so offend, to make offence a skill;

Redeeming time when men think least I will.

[Exit]