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King Henry IV Part 1: Act 2 Scene 1

Scene I Rochester. An inn yard.

[Enter a Carrier with a lantern in his hand]

FIRST CARRIER

Heigh-ho! an it be not four by the day, I'll be

hanged: Charles' wain is over the new chimney, and

yet our horse not packed. What, ostler!

OSTLER

[Within] Anon, anon.

FIRST CARRIER

I prithee, Tom, beat Cut's saddle, put a few flocks

in the point; poor jade, is wrung in the withers out

of all cess.

[Enter another Carrier]

SECOND CARRIER

Peas and beans are as dank here as a dog, and that

is the next way to give poor jades the bots: this

house is turned upside down since Robin Ostler died.

FIRST CARRIER

Poor fellow, never joyed since the price of oats

rose; it was the death of him.

SECOND CARRIER

I think this be the most villanous house in all

London road for fleas: I am stung like a tench.

FIRST CARRIER

Like a tench! by the mass, there is ne'er a king

christen could be better bit than I have been since

the first cock.

SECOND CARRIER

Why, they will allow us ne'er a jordan, and then we

leak in your chimney; and your chamber-lie breeds

fleas like a loach.

FIRST CARRIER

What, ostler! come away and be hanged!

SECOND CARRIER

I have a gammon of bacon and two razors of ginger,

to be delivered as far as Charing-cross.

FIRST CARRIER

God's body! the turkeys in my pannier are quite

starved. What, ostler! A plague on thee! hast thou

never an eye in thy head? canst not hear? An

'twere not as good deed as drink, to break the pate

on thee, I am a very villain. Come, and be hanged!

hast thou no faith in thee?

[Enter GADSHILL]

GADSHILL

Good morrow, carriers. What's o'clock?

FIRST CARRIER

I think it be two o'clock.

GADSHILL

I pray thee lend me thy lantern, to see my gelding

in the stable.

FIRST CARRIER

Nay, by God, soft; I know a trick worth two of that, i' faith.

GADSHILL

I pray thee, lend me thine.

SECOND CARRIER

Ay, when? can'st tell? Lend me thy lantern, quoth

he? marry, I'll see thee hanged first.

GADSHILL

Sirrah carrier, what time do you mean to come to London?

SECOND CARRIER

Time enough to go to bed with a candle, I warrant

thee. Come, neighbour Mugs, we'll call up the

gentleman: they will along with company, for they

have great charge.

[Exeunt carriers]

GADSHILL

What, ho! chamberlain!

CHAMBERLAIN

[Within] At hand, quoth pick-purse.

GADSHILL

That's even as fair as--at hand, quoth the

chamberlain; for thou variest no more from picking

of purses than giving direction doth from labouring;

thou layest the plot how.

[Enter Chamberlain]

CHAMBERLAIN

Good morrow, Master Gadshill. It holds current that

I told you yesternight: there's a franklin in the

wild of Kent hath brought three hundred marks with

him in gold: I heard him tell it to one of his

company last night at supper; a kind of auditor; one

that hath abundance of charge too, God knows what.

They are up already, and call for eggs and butter;

they will away presently.

GADSHILL

Sirrah, if they meet not with Saint Nicholas'

clerks, I'll give thee this neck.

CHAMBERLAIN

No, I'll none of it: I pray thee keep that for the

hangman; for I know thou worshippest St. Nicholas

as truly as a man of falsehood may.

GADSHILL

What talkest thou to me of the hangman? if I hang,

I'll make a fat pair of gallows; for if I hang, old

Sir John hangs with me, and thou knowest he is no

starveling. Tut! there are other Trojans that thou

dreamest not of, the which for sport sake are

content to do the profession some grace; that would,

if matters should be looked into, for their own

credit sake, make all whole. I am joined with no

foot-land rakers, no long-staff sixpenny strikers,

none of these mad mustachio purple-hued malt-worms;

but with nobility and tranquillity, burgomasters and

great oneyers, such as can hold in, such as will

strike sooner than speak, and speak sooner than

drink, and drink sooner than pray: and yet, zounds,

I lie; for they pray continually to their saint, the

commonwealth; or rather, not pray to her, but prey

on her, for they ride up and down on her and make

her their boots.

CHAMBERLAIN

What, the commonwealth their boots? will she hold

out water in foul way?

GADSHILL

She will, she will; justice hath liquored her. We

steal as in a castle, cocksure; we have the receipt

of fern-seed, we walk invisible.

CHAMBERLAIN

Nay, by my faith, I think you are more beholding to

the night than to fern-seed for your walking invisible.

GADSHILL

Give me thy hand: thou shalt have a share in our

purchase, as I am a true man.

CHAMBERLAIN

Nay, rather let me have it, as you are a false thief.

GADSHILL

Go to; 'homo' is a common name to all men. Bid the

ostler bring my gelding out of the stable. Farewell,

you muddy knave.

[Exeunt]