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King Henry IV, Part 2: Act 4 Scene 3

Scene III Another part of the forest.

[Alarum. Excursions. Enter FALSTAFF and COLEVILE, meeting]

FALSTAFF

What's your name, sir? of what condition are you,

and of what place, I pray?

COLEVILE

I am a knight, sir, and my name is Colevile of the dale.

FALSTAFF

Well, then, Colevile is your name, a knight is your

degree, and your place the dale: Colevile shall be

still your name, a traitor your degree, and the

dungeon your place, a place deep enough; so shall

you be still Colevile of the dale.

COLEVILE

Are not you Sir John Falstaff?

FALSTAFF

As good a man as he, sir, whoe'er I am. Do ye

yield, sir? or shall I sweat for you? if I do

sweat, they are the drops of thy lovers, and they

weep for thy death: therefore rouse up fear and

trembling, and do observance to my mercy.

COLEVILE

I think you are Sir John Falstaff, and in that

thought yield me.

FALSTAFF

I have a whole school of tongues in this belly of

mine, and not a tongue of them all speaks any other

word but my name. An I had but a belly of any

indifference, I were simply the most active fellow

in Europe: my womb, my womb, my womb, undoes me.

Here comes our general.

[Enter PRINCE JOHN OF LANCASTER, WESTMORELAND,

BLUNT, and others]

LANCASTER

The heat is past; follow no further now:

Call in the powers, good cousin Westmoreland.

[Exit WESTMORELAND]

Now, Falstaff, where have you been all this while?

When every thing is ended, then you come:

These tardy tricks of yours will, on my life,

One time or other break some gallows' back.

FALSTAFF

I would be sorry, my lord, but it should be thus: I

never knew yet but rebuke and cheque was the reward

of valour. Do you think me a swallow, an arrow, or a

bullet? have I, in my poor and old motion, the

expedition of thought? I have speeded hither with

the very extremest inch of possibility; I have

foundered nine score and odd posts: and here,

travel-tainted as I am, have in my pure and

immaculate valour, taken Sir John Colevile of the

dale, a most furious knight and valorous enemy.

But what of that? he saw me, and yielded; that I

may justly say, with the hook-nosed fellow of Rome,

'I came, saw, and overcame.'

LANCASTER

It was more of his courtesy than your deserving.

FALSTAFF

I know not: here he is, and here I yield him: and

I beseech your grace, let it be booked with the

rest of this day's deeds; or, by the Lord, I will

have it in a particular ballad else, with mine own

picture on the top on't, Colevile kissing my foot:

to the which course if I be enforced, if you do not

all show like gilt twopences to me, and I in the

clear sky of fame o'ershine you as much as the full

moon doth the cinders of the element, which show

like pins' heads to her, believe not the word of

the noble: therefore let me have right, and let

desert mount.

LANCASTER

Thine's too heavy to mount.

FALSTAFF

Let it shine, then.

LANCASTER

Thine's too thick to shine.

FALSTAFF

Let it do something, my good lord, that may do me

good, and call it what you will.

LANCASTER

Is thy name Colevile?

COLEVILE

It is, my lord.

LANCASTER

A famous rebel art thou, Colevile.

FALSTAFF

And a famous true subject took him.

COLEVILE

I am, my lord, but as my betters are

That led me hither: had they been ruled by me,

You should have won them dearer than you have.

FALSTAFF

I know not how they sold themselves: but thou, like

a kind fellow, gavest thyself away gratis; and I

thank thee for thee.

[Re-enter WESTMORELAND]

LANCASTER

Now, have you left pursuit?

WESTMORELAND

Retreat is made and execution stay'd.

LANCASTER

Send Colevile with his confederates

To York, to present execution:

Blunt, lead him hence; and see you guard him sure.

[Exeunt BLUNT and others with COLEVILE]

And now dispatch we toward the court, my lords:

I hear the king my father is sore sick:

Our news shall go before us to his majesty,

Which, cousin, you shall bear to comfort him,

And we with sober speed will follow you.

FALSTAFF

My lord, I beseech you, give me leave to go

Through Gloucestershire: and, when you come to court,

Stand my good lord, pray, in your good report.

LANCASTER

Fare you well, Falstaff: I, in my condition,

Shall better speak of you than you deserve.

[Exeunt all but Falstaff]

FALSTAFF

I would you had but the wit: 'twere better than

your dukedom. Good faith, this same young sober-

blooded boy doth not love me; nor a man cannot make

him laugh; but that's no marvel, he drinks no wine.

There's never none of these demure boys come to any

proof; for thin drink doth so over-cool their blood,

and making many fish-meals, that they fall into a

kind of male green-sickness; and then when they

marry, they get wenches: they are generally fools

and cowards; which some of us should be too, but for

inflammation. A good sherris sack hath a two-fold

operation in it. It ascends me into the brain;

dries me there all the foolish and dull and curdy

vapours which environ it; makes it apprehensive,

quick, forgetive, full of nimble fiery and

delectable shapes, which, delivered o'er to the

voice, the tongue, which is the birth, becomes

excellent wit. The second property of your

excellent sherris is, the warming of the blood;

which, before cold and settled, left the liver

white and pale, which is the badge of pusillanimity

and cowardice; but the sherris warms it and makes

it course from the inwards to the parts extreme:

it illumineth the face, which as a beacon gives

warning to all the rest of this little kingdom,

man, to arm; and then the vital commoners and

inland petty spirits muster me all to their captain,

the heart, who, great and puffed up with this

retinue, doth any deed of courage; and this valour

comes of sherris. So that skill in the weapon is

nothing without sack, for that sets it a-work; and

learning a mere hoard of gold kept by a devil, till

sack commences it and sets it in act and use.

Hereof comes it that Prince Harry is valiant; for

the cold blood he did naturally inherit of his

father, he hath, like lean, sterile and bare land,

manured, husbanded and tilled with excellent

endeavour of drinking good and good store of fertile

sherris, that he is become very hot and valiant. If

I had a thousand sons, the first humane principle I

would teach them should be, to forswear thin

potations and to addict themselves to sack.

[Enter BARDOLPH]

How now Bardolph?

BARDOLPH

The army is discharged all and gone.

FALSTAFF

Let them go. I'll through Gloucestershire; and

there will I visit Master Robert Shallow, esquire:

I have him already tempering between my finger and

my thumb, and shortly will I seal with him. Come away.

[Exeunt]