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King Henry IV, Part 2: Act 5 Scene 1

Scene I Gloucestershire. SHALLOW'S house.

[Enter SHALLOW, FALSTAFF, BARDOLPH, and Page]

SHALLOW

By cock and pie, sir, you shall not away to-night.

What, Davy, I say!

FALSTAFF

You must excuse me, Master Robert Shallow.

SHALLOW

I will not excuse you; you shall not be excused;

excuses shall not be admitted; there is no excuse

shall serve; you shall not be excused. Why, Davy!

[Enter DAVY]

DAVY

Here, sir.

SHALLOW

Davy, Davy, Davy, Davy, let me see, Davy; let me

see, Davy; let me see: yea, marry, William cook,

bid him come hither. Sir John, you shall not be excused.

DAVY

Marry, sir, thus; those precepts cannot be served:

and, again, sir, shall we sow the headland with wheat?

SHALLOW

With red wheat, Davy. But for William cook: are

there no young pigeons?

DAVY

Yes, sir. Here is now the smith's note for shoeing

and plough-irons.

SHALLOW

Let it be cast and paid. Sir John, you shall not be excused.

DAVY

Now, sir, a new link to the bucket must need be

had: and, sir, do you mean to stop any of William's

wages, about the sack he lost the other day at

Hinckley fair?

SHALLOW

A' shall answer it. Some pigeons, Davy, a couple

of short-legged hens, a joint of mutton, and any

pretty little tiny kickshaws, tell William cook.

DAVY

Doth the man of war stay all night, sir?

SHALLOW

Yea, Davy. I will use him well: a friend i' the

court is better than a penny in purse. Use his men

well, Davy; for they are arrant knaves, and will backbite.

DAVY

No worse than they are backbitten, sir; for they

have marvellous foul linen.

SHALLOW

Well conceited, Davy: about thy business, Davy.

DAVY

I beseech you, sir, to countenance William Visor of

Woncot against Clement Perkes of the hill.

SHALLOW

There is many complaints, Davy, against that Visor:

that Visor is an arrant knave, on my knowledge.

DAVY

I grant your worship that he is a knave, sir; but

yet, God forbid, sir, but a knave should have some

countenance at his friend's request. An honest

man, sir, is able to speak for himself, when a knave

is not. I have served your worship truly, sir,

this eight years; and if I cannot once or twice in

a quarter bear out a knave against an honest man, I

have but a very little credit with your worship. The

knave is mine honest friend, sir; therefore, I

beseech your worship, let him be countenanced.

SHALLOW

Go to; I say he shall have no wrong. Look about, Davy.

[Exit DAVY]

Where are you, Sir John? Come, come, come, off

with your boots. Give me your hand, Master Bardolph.

BARDOLPH

I am glad to see your worship.

SHALLOW

I thank thee with all my heart, kind

Master Bardolph: and welcome, my tall fellow.

[To the Page]

Come, Sir John.

FALSTAFF

I'll follow you, good Master Robert Shallow.

[Exit SHALLOW]

Bardolph, look to our horses.

[Exeunt BARDOLPH and Page]

If I were sawed into quantities, I should make four

dozen of such bearded hermits' staves as Master

Shallow. It is a wonderful thing to see the

semblable coherence of his men's spirits and his:

they, by observing of him, do bear themselves like

foolish justices; he, by conversing with them, is

turned into a justice-like serving-man: their

spirits are so married in conjunction with the

participation of society that they flock together in

consent, like so many wild-geese. If I had a suit

to Master Shallow, I would humour his men with the

imputation of being near their master: if to his

men, I would curry with Master Shallow that no man

could better command his servants. It is certain

that either wise bearing or ignorant carriage is

caught, as men take diseases, one of another:

therefore let men take heed of their company. I

will devise matter enough out of this Shallow to

keep Prince Harry in continual laughter the wearing

out of six fashions, which is four terms, or two

actions, and a' shall laugh without intervallums. O,

it is much that a lie with a slight oath and a jest

with a sad brow will do with a fellow that never

had the ache in his shoulders! O, you shall see him

laugh till his face be like a wet cloak ill laid up!

SHALLOW

[Within] Sir John!

FALSTAFF

I come, Master Shallow; I come, Master Shallow.

[Exit]